Parenting

If you spend some time with teenagers and young adults who were not subjected to the coercive learning environment of a school, you will quickly realise that they exhibit many of the characteristics that are so noticeable in young children. They are usually engaging, often passionately pursuing an area of study or project that has caught their interest and usually clear on what it is that they want to do — if not for life, at least for the immediate future. These young people were allowed to continue “demand learning” at home and increasingly as they got older, in their local communities and the wider world. They were supported by their parents who strove to provide them with opportunities and environments that stimulated their interest and respected their disinterest or desire to disengage with any particular activities. Their own innate drive to learn led them in many different directions, creating for each a unique experience from which they gained knowledge and skills for interacting in the world.

There is nothing miraculous about these parents. There is nothing more miraculous about these parents than those who learned to respond to their children’s cues to demand feed, or to the parents supporting their toddler’s efforts to walk or talk. Each parent is simply paying attention to their children and striving to meet their children’s expressed needs. There is no more need to impose a structured regime of learning upon an older child than there is to impose a structured schedule of feeding upon an infant. Reading lessons are as unnecessary as crawling lessons, as a child’s drive to understand is as strong as their drive to more around.

That is not to say that children can learn these skills in isolation. But rather they learn them in an enriching and varied environment, exposed to a variety of opportunities, with the love and support of their parents and communities. The advantage is that the learning experience becomes tailored specifically for each individual child. The advantage is also that the relationship between parent and child can continue to be based on love and respect, rather than upon coercion and control. Because, just as a child can be trusted to seek to breastfeed of their own accord, to meet their own nutritional and emotional needs, a child can also be trusted to engage in particular learning experiences to acquire the knowledge and skills that they will need during their lives.

In pursuing demand learning it is important to delight in what your child chooses to do, rather than dwelling on the things that do not interest them. It is important to trust that they will choose to learn, just as they chose to feed as infants. Demand learning allows an appreciation of the freedom to parent in a loving, responsive and respectful fashion as we discover the unique nature of our children and their passion for living.

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