Discussing taboo subjects

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  • Member
    Mandalaine
    October 16, 2006 at 7:31 am #192155

    Now I know this is a very taboo subject

    Peadophilia
    I have had to talk to my kids about preditory behaivour. And I wanted to ask others to offer information on how they have discussed the topic with thier kids.
    My middle child is 4 and she is very intuitive and does have alevel of understanding.
    There are differnt ways to discuss it and it doesn’t hurt to use a few.

    I am a single mum, following an abrubt end to a relationship because of this topic.
    I had not seen anything to alert me to it, nor did any other friends or family.
    These people I choose to refer to as ‘gifted liers’

    But I am very glad the CMC detectives came into my life when they did.

    The home computer was being used for much more than your average household.
    The day after his sentencing hearing I found myself online reading a courier mail newspaper article, describing the actual truth of it. What was ‘really’ found on the computer when it was imaged by the police.

    Not what he said was the truth. And yes the article was accurate!

    I have had to explain nice cuddles, one that make us feel yucky, funny, sad and try to use different adjectives to let my kids know what is a good feeling and what is not.
    What do we do if something happens in various situations, who do we tell, what if they don’t listen.

    We discuss who’s car we can go in. What luring words people might use to get you in thier car.

    Photo’s being taken. Touching, washing in the shower or bath etc. We talk about secrets. We do not have secrets rather we talk about how we can allow someone to be surpised by ‘eg’ not telling them what is wrapped in thier gift.
    The list can be so long.

    It is the grooming that children need to be educated about. The grooming is the mental minipulation that occurs prior to the act.
    Things like
    “you know you and I can have our sepcial little secrets”
    “you know if you tell anyone they will think you were naughty”

    But I had to start somewhere.
    I have had family think there is still hope for you to be together, and the battle to convince some people is heartbreaking. That with all the evidence in front of them they can still diminish the crime for what it was and still have hope for you to be a family again.

    In part I have not found it to be a generational thing with peoples preception of what is acceptable behaivour. I have found that soem people just find it easier to not think about it, even when they have had other family members be preyed upon.

    Please don’t bury your heads. I did even after at the young age of 10 I was molested on a single occasion and following my 2 friends being affected worse than me, I confessed to the incident.
    What if i had have told my mum, my friends may not have been touched. And I thought that having been exposed to such an event that I would never see myself having 3 beautifull children to preditor.

    And yet I do, and i have learnt that you cant sweep this under the carpet it just breeds while it’s there.

    I just now hope that I am doing all I can to educate my kids to be aware.
    Time will only tell.

    But I have made it so very clear to my family there
    It’s just something that is so important for me at the moment, If but 1 family sit and talk about it that is one more ‘more aware’ child than not talking about it.

    **
    MAndalaine


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