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Male post natal depression from the inside - Page: 4


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04-02-2011, 06:41 AM #31
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Male post natal depression from the inside
Cartwheel,
thanks mate for responding to my request. I never realised that banging my head against a brick wall not only hurt,.... it just doesn't help. However, I can't do anything else. No, she won't talk to ANYONE. Not even her mum about it. I think she is denying herself that she need some help. There is nothing wrong with it. Maybe I need help, too. Maybe you're helping me, as you are someone who's listening. My relationship to her mum is destroyed purely due to my response to her behavior. She supports her daughter in a wrong way (which is her behavior), but my response (feeling offended by her taking party) is just wrong. Of course, I can't talk to her mum re her daughter's situation, as she has taken sides.
MY parents have their 53rd wedding anniversary this year, and I always looked up to them in admiration. When I was about 13 and started to take interest in girls I always wanted to be like my parents; I was so hoping to one day meet her, the one I spent the rest of my life with, the one I will have children with. The one I love, and the one who loves me.
Reality? Is sooooo very different. I feel like a failure....... what is wrong in today's society...... I don't want my children to grow up with separated parents. I am actually more worried about my stepchild, that about my own child, because she lost her male contact person (biological Dad) once before. If I pack up, she lost her male (secondary Dad) again. I don't want this to happen to her.

Please, please help......


04-02-2011, 06:48 AM #32
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Male post natal depression from the inside
Hi Parker,
I fully agree with what you said. And I practiced what you said. Sometimes though I am a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y worn out. And I do not have the confidence to be spit at by the person I love most. By the person I help most. I am doing so many things to her, and all I get is a kick in the guts. After all, I think the reason she is still around is because she can't go anywhere. Nowhere to stay. I think she would be gone by now, if she had the opportunity. I don't think she still loves me. I can't see any signs of life (as in love) in her anymore.


04-02-2011, 07:04 AM #33
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Male post natal depression from the inside
I don't know pd. Clearly you are in pain over this. Maybe try something different. Go out to dinner. Go for a drive to the beach. Do something fun that you used to do before the baby was born.
I don't know your personal situation and I am certainly not suggesting that you should take a constant battering witha smile. But yelling and arguing won't help and from what I am reading, you know that too.
One lesson I have learned ( and continue to learn) is tomnot make assumptions. You say if y


04-02-2011, 07:15 AM #34
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Male post natal depression from the inside
Sorry. Pressed the wrong button. Try and think 'what does this moment need' when you feel yourself getting frustrated. Keep your head up and well done on pouring your heart out and trying to get some assistance.


04-02-2011, 08:02 AM #35
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Male post natal depression from the inside
mate i really feel for you
good on you for reaching out that takes alot of guts and also shows your serious about both your relationship and wanting to change it.
props for that.
yelling achieves nothing, its not an effective form of communication so firstly try if you can avoid doing that.
My wife and i dont yell, neither of us are yellers cause when it starts the other person simply shuts down, gets on the defensive and all you can hear is bla bla bla.
im not sure what your could do instead of that, maybe remove yourself from the situation go outside at yell at the sky? something not directed at your partner or MIL but still getting your frustration out.
My suggestion would be for yourself into some counseling and try talk to your partner in a calm moment and manner.
Ask her what she needs from you, explain how you feel and tell her how you feel watching her fight this battle alone.


05-02-2011, 04:53 AM #36
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Male post natal depression from the inside
Hi,
I just came back from a seminar which was truly mind boggling. It was booked weeks ago and about personal development. And what I've got out of this seminar in relation to my problem is this;

I have to learn to let go from the past because all thoughts are based on past experience. I have to let go of the need to permanently justify myself and my actions as well as my fear of being cornered which is why I go straight into defense mode.

She has to let go of her past where the actions of someone else hurt her feeling. She's now insecure and scared of being hurt again and this is why all the negative things happen to her (what you expect is what you get). Also this is why she doesn't trust me: it happened in the past so it will (according to her expectations) happen again.

Hope this makes sense.


05-02-2011, 06:17 AM #37
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Male post natal depression from the inside
That makes perfect sense. I hope that the two of you are able to take your next steps together, in trust and confidence, and with acceptance and letting go of past hurts.


05-02-2011, 02:32 PM #38
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Male post natal depression from the inside
emd;521826 Wrote:That makes perfect sense. I hope that the two of you are able to take your next steps together, in trust and confidence, and with acceptance and letting go of past hurts.

Well, this is the theory.
In Practice she doesn't talk, ignores me, and is still very hostile. In short the situation still hasn't changed. At least I understand now.





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