I worked hard to bond with my baby and heal the separation. I got my baby back from the nursery, and never let her go. Unfortunately I suffered horrific postnatal depression, partially because of who I am and partially because of the experience. I was determined that the next birth would heal me and I would break free from my family pattern.
I wanted Xanthe to see and be assured that birth was a natural part of life, not the dreaded experience which I feared that I had left her with – mostly in my own head, not a reality. For myself, I wanted to feel that I had the power within me to birth my baby and heal the connection with my body.
The day before the birth of Grace Lilly Creighton, Russell, Xanthe and I went for ice cream and went to the playground. A lovely afternoon followed by a relaxing dinner. For whatever reasons, I felt the need to eat two packets of two-minute noodles (carbohydrate loading, in hindsight). I then went for a walk in the evening, listening to music on my i-pod looking at the full moon, I knew full well that the birth of my babe was near.
On the morning of Tuesday the 14th of October 2008, at 2 am (the same time Xanthe was born), I sneezed and my waters broke. “Oh @*#!”, was my immediate thought. I had a mild expansion almost immediately, but thought I might try to get more sleep.
That thought didnt last, as the mild expansions continued. I woke Russell at 2.30am (who panicked for a minute thinking he was late for work!) to get him to finish inflating the pool, text M and D, to let them know we were under way.
Russell went to see if he could get some sleep, which lasted 10 minutes (if that) and I woke him again to fill the pool, this baby was on her way!
I was using Arnica and Aconite out of my homeopathic kit at different intervals and some rescue remedy, between expansions.
I also managed to put some small acupuncture pellets on my ear (for anxiety). I got myself a bite to eat and had a couple of hydrating ice blocks and a drink of Endura. Between expansions, I ate my vita weats whilst looking out at the almost full moon and thought how peaceful the night was.
I finished my power snack I went down stairs to where the pool was set up; shed a few tears letting Russell know I was scared. That thought didnt last long either as the next expansion came and I realised I needed to light the candles and get my oil burner burning. My beautiful body gave me no time to think, this was a good thing. “Get out of your head and into your body!” I heard a voice in my head say.
With the birth pool half full I asked Russell to organise a heat pack (which was no use what so ever). At around 3.15 am Russell phoned M to say I needed her, by this stage the expansions were getting closer and stronger. He got off the phone and said shed be here within the hour “an hour!!” I said thinking “this baby will be here by then!” Once again, that thought didnt last long as the next expansion kicked in and I realised there was no time to think….I had to ride the wave!
With a candle to light my way I jumped in the shower for some relief, it didnt really feel like it helped the pain, but the hot water was soothing just the same. This is where M found me, by this stage I was in (full on) active labor. I remember looking at M – straight in the eye saying “do you really think I can do this?” to which she replied, “youre doing it” with a supportive smile. No time to talk, next expansion! The shower lasted a little longer before I needed a change. Next stop the loo, next expansion, and then the pool! Ahhhh relief!