The last couple of weeks I have had some strange, unknown feelings. Feelings of space and a strange sense of I’m sure I should be doing something. It’s like I have some time on my hands. This is something I don’t think I have felt for two years, since my second child Harry was born.
It’s such an odd feeling for me, time and space, that it has taken me two weeks to realise what I am experiencing and what I have got. Or perhaps it’s what I haven’t got?
My parenting style, being with my two beautiful children night and day and wanting to comfort them, has meant that they have been my constant companions for the last 4 years. For the first two it was just me and Olivia and for the last two it has been me Olivia and Harry.
But finally and increasingly they seem to be able to entertain themselves, to play together without the constant ‘Mum (s)he’s got my…’ or ‘I had it first ….’ or ‘My turn…’.
Over the past two weeks I can recall them playing together in the sandpit, Olivia going to a friend’s house for the first time while Harry had a sleep, riding bikes around the deck together and playing hide and seek – beautiful. My time and space has begun to change.
Earlier this week the two of them and a friend were playing outside for an hour without any need for me to interject or sort out a dispute. It was a revelation! I just didn’t know what had hit me! For the first 10 minutes I kept thinking I’m sure I’ll be needed in a minute, and I flittered around wondering, what should I be doing, where’s the knee to sooth, argument to sort out? Nowhere. So I started to do things. I wrote out some recipes for a friend which I had promised to do weeks ago, brought the playgroup accounts up to date and then I was at a loose end again. What now?? Still only happy shouts. I got my book. Would this be the end of it? I put the kettle on, made tea, settled down, sighed deeply, read a few pages, peace…………..’MUMMM lets play pass the parcel’ and time and space returned to normal. But by now I was beginning to realise this was not a one off experience.
It has happened again, right now in fact, as I sit writing this sipping tea. Peace – children playing, trees rustling, birds chattering. It’s good to be alive. You know, I have felt this feeling before, let me think, when was it….. about 2 years and 9 months ago………….hmmm. Time for another cup of tea I think.